This is it. What's fascinating is I took a course in cross cultural counseling, and one of our first discussion prompts was a transcript of a (fictional) therapy session between Dr. D, and Gabriella, a Brazilian woman living in America.
The session opens up with her processing her anxiety associated with living with her white boyfriend, and she reveals she has a panic attack. The Dr. Then proceeded to discuss her coping skills and her anxiety with her, but she escalated and said she doesn't feel supported..she began to talk about family cultural pressure before telling Dr. D that he doesn't get it. Dr. D asks what it is he doesn't get, and that perhaps there's more to this than just her panic. Gabriella then states..she doesn't feel supported and that he is taking sides. He reflects this and validated this. Then, she says." do you understand what it's like being a Brazilian woman?".
Dr. D says, "of course I understand. I've worked with many Brazilian clients and am mindful of the struggles, which we have discussed before. But we all have more in common than we do differences. We are all human beings. I get that your frustrated, but let's talk about those panic attacks".
Gabriella: *silence*
The discussion prompt was then to consider if we agree with the way Dr. D handled her frustrations regarding being "missunderstood". So what's the issue here?
The issue is that Dr. D has no right to tell Gabriella that he "understands" he doesn't understand. How could he? He is a white male psychologist. Not a Brazilian woman. All this did, despite being somewhat factual, is reinforce her frustrations with being missunderstood, and invalidated her.
Same applies to Bubba..none of us can speak to his motivation, or his handling of the situation after the announcement because we don't know what it's like to be him. We can all talk about how WE would have handled it. And how WE think it should have been handled. And WE may be right. But that's us. Not Bubba. That's the false consensus effect. The bill of assertive rights states that we have a right to be the first and final judge of our own behavior.
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